Week 22: Handfasting with Children

<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Welcome to week 22 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some time ago we brought you a version of a 'handfasting' (</span><a href="http://theweddinggurus.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/week-5-handfasting-ceremony.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">view here</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">) which has been very popular on the blog, so we thought we would follow it up with a fabulous way of including children in this wonderfully meaningful ritual.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6xs3FNAGJxtTKT3VakydL5DyeqmwCtylfIsvt1zwKtAanTiOx8QHQ-ikvBSo92GSm9r4UPYYXaiv52LmwWMdQoNJQcMAuULyufj_SJuBQUNa5gkax3PVlDe8hMB2F1ck4-QXndbja0Yr8/s1600/Family+handfasting+with+Children.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6xs3FNAGJxtTKT3VakydL5DyeqmwCtylfIsvt1zwKtAanTiOx8QHQ-ikvBSo92GSm9r4UPYYXaiv52LmwWMdQoNJQcMAuULyufj_SJuBQUNa5gkax3PVlDe8hMB2F1ck4-QXndbja0Yr8/s1600/Family+handfasting+with+Children.jpg" /></a><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Including children in a handfasting:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Celebrant</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as a reminder of their promise to them on this day. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents'. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents</span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Celebrant addresses children:</span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'(Insert children’s names): These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime'.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Wedding Gurus x</span></div>

Week 22: Handfasting with Children

Welcome to week 22 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks". Some time ago we brought you a version of a 'handfasting' (...

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Marriage & the step parent dilemma

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuE04Z_-ECR8r1o0rGth7g-09NrKePz2WyUadCCaIdXdG_qsn4QeGWDgaqxrNDu_9qTwkCpCksiJnRdMvjbQyGnsiV7_O0TfpGsNTAOLpoMN8Zxfcv1n-KajKWGSqiIyhFj2N00Cu1IVPP/s1600/Step+parent+blended+multiculture+family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuE04Z_-ECR8r1o0rGth7g-09NrKePz2WyUadCCaIdXdG_qsn4QeGWDgaqxrNDu_9qTwkCpCksiJnRdMvjbQyGnsiV7_O0TfpGsNTAOLpoMN8Zxfcv1n-KajKWGSqiIyhFj2N00Cu1IVPP/s1600/Step+parent+blended+multiculture+family.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The society in which we live today is filled with wonderful blended families that come in all shapes and sizes.  We're not just talking about couples coming together from different cultural backgrounds, but also couples coming together, each with children of their own. (How could we forget The Brady Bunch - if only it was that easy). So many of the couples I see as a celebrant have families like this.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The joining of two families can be a really wonderful experience, but it would be remiss not to mention the fact that it can also be exceptionally difficult and fraught with potential disasters, particularly when combined with the stress of planning a wedding. Step parenting is never easy and we all know very well that planning a wedding can be overwhelming, even for the calmest of couples, but combining the two can see some couples in total despair.</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To any of you who have successfully brought two families together while planning and executing an amazig wedding, we commend you. You truly deserve a round of applause.</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BUT, for those of you (and I'm sure there are many) who are currently struggling with a suddenly much larger family, while trying to plan your big day and include children and step children, then we symapthise and are here to help.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In working with many couples in this situation I have put together a few ideas I wanted to share with you that may hopefully help you in finding ways to include children and step children and ease the stress of  any family tension that may be lingering.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">I have found that finding ways to include and unite the family on such a public level really helps to strengthen the bond and puts the focus on inclusion and unity rather than exclusion and individuality. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Here are some ideas to help:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">1. If the children are old enough allow them to act as junior bridesmaids/groomsmen. Asking them to stand beside you earns them a level of importance and respect that you may find helps them to feel apart of it all. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">2. If you are each coming to the marriage with a couple of children it may not be practical to have them as attendant in the ceremony. I once did a ceremony for a couple where they each had 3 children and so they bought each of them a gold letter (the childs first initial) and as part of the ceremony each child was asked to come forward as the step parent placed the necklace on and gave them a kiss. All  the guests were crying and the children were so proud and pleased it was beautiful.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">3. Include a unity ritual in your ceremony. A great way of making children feel included is by having a unifying ritual. A sand ceremony is a great example (<a href="http://theweddinggurus.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/week-2-sand-ceremony.html">see our sand ceremony for an example</a>) I perform many sand ceremonies with families which usually requires a vase of coloured sand each different and representing the particular family member, They each then pour their sand into the large vase so the colours layer beautiful and then the vas eis then sealed. The glass can be engraved with the wedidng details or an engraved plaque put on the front. Once on display in the home the significance of the once single colours of sand that can now never be seperated again from the others is a constant reminder of the families bond. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">4. If they are not wanting or confident enough to take part in the ceremony then give them a job. </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ushering guests, handing out rose petals or bubbles. This will allow them to have a purpose on the day. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We really hope this helps and if you are still stuck feel free to contact us and we will be happy to help with more ideas.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Wedding Gurus</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">xxx</span><br /><br />

Marriage & the step parent dilemma

The society in which we live today is filled with wonderful blended families that come in all shapes and sizes.  We're not just talking ...

Read more »

Blessings for an amazing and beautiful life

<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">Last Saturday I (Susan) attended a beautiful church ceremony of some friends and in all of the weddings that I have attended or officiated, something happened to me for the first time.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">I don’t know if it was because the bride was quite young or if her dark hair and features just stirred up something in me, but as she stood at the door of the church and all I could see of her was her dress, she paused for quite a while with her father waiting for her song to begin.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">For the guests the pause created an atmosphere of anticipation and excitement and for me I had tears welling up in my eyes when for the first time I was propelled some years into the future and was imagining that this was my own beautiful dark haired daughter.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">I thought of her standing there, so beautiful, full of love and looking forward to her amazing future and my heart just filled with emotion and pride. All of a sudden I couldn’t help wondering when I had stopped dreaming of me as the bride up there about to walk in to the ooohing and aaaahing of the crowd (even though I had already been one, do we ever stop dreaming of it?)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">Yes, it was definite, I was getting old. No longer dreaming of those moments for myself, but now for my children. For a moment I will admit I felt a bit sad about that, but quickly realised that it was life’s natural and perfect progression that I’d had my turn and now was the opportunity to look forward to theirs. As she walked down the aisle, smile beaming and looking radiant, she held on tightly to her fathers arm. I looked to the front of the church to see her mother, who was looking back at the two of them and sobbing hopelessly! That would be me one day.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">I know I have harped on about this before, but looking at her mum, I couldn’t help but hope that when it is my daughter’s turn to walk down that aisle, she asks me to walk her down too. Nothing would make me prouder than to stand beside her on her biggest day and walk her proudly to her groom. Kissing her cheek and giving her my blessings for an amazing and beautiful life.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: purple;"><em>Susan. xxx</em></span></div>

Blessings for an amazing and beautiful life

Last Saturday I (Susan) attended a beautiful church ceremony of some friends and in all of the weddings that I have attended or officiated, ...

Read more »